drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
