But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
