I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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