i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
