I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
