My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
