Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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