I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
