based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It's just like the Real World with babies
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
