just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
