I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Life is so much better after having sex.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
His hands were made for my vagina.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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