In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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