so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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