he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
