oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
