I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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