My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
