Pants 0. Shit 1.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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