just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
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while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
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A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
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