She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
