i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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