Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
