I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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