Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
