oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
