this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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