My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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