I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
