Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Randomize
