I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
