Your tits are I can't wait for
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
