He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
