I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
