Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
