He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
