Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
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I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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