i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
