I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
