You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
