This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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