We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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