so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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