he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
