Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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