actually, I'm a sock model
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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