I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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