I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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