Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
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