my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
