Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
