I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
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for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
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Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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