I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
