My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
