my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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