Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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