dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
