the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
