Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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