Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
