Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
