I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
