I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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