Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
