Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
