random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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