i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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