I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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