Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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