you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
