my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Randomize
