If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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