please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
