Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
