Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
