I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I understand Curling. That high.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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