I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
