So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
When are your genitals available?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
