He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
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