i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
not ubering you a puppy
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
