If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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